Book Lists
Those of you who have followed my posts for the past few years are used to seeing my lists of books that I love. So I decided to shake things up by writing about some books that I absolutely hated. I’m sure many people will strongly disagree with me on some of these, and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just like to post mine publicly.
So, for anyone interested, here are my 10 least favorite books. (I don’t know if I’d say these are in any particular order. Because they all got the same number of stars when I reviewed them.) 1. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger I know this is a classic, but Holden Caulfield is a whiny little bitch and I have no patience for him. In fact, I read this as a sophomore in high school and instead of writing a normal book report, I rewrote the ending so that Holden died from boredom of his own self. If I remember correctly, my teacher told me that she hated what I had done, but was giving me an A anyway, because it was well-written. 2. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer I get that Twilight resulted in a bunch of teenage girls reading when usually they wouldn’t care about books, but I absolutely hate this series. Bella is a horrible character for girls to look up to and Edward is just a romanticized version of an abusive boyfriend. And while I love Kristen Stewart, don’t even get me started on how awful the movies are. 3. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce This book is around 280 pages long and it took me approximately 280 days to read it. I’m sure there are people who love it, and they’re probably smarter than I am, but I was just bored the whole time I was reading it. There’s probably a purpose to this book, but I honestly can’t even remember the plot. 4. I Know by Keith Becker It probably makes me a terrible person to dislike this book so much, but I guess that’s just something I’ll have to live with. Becker spends a couple hundred pages telling teenagers about the dangers of alcohol, drugs, and porn, using the real-life example of his brother’s death to really drive home the point. I’ve been to two of Becker’s presentations and he is a significantly better speaker than writer. The book just feels too preachy and gets way too repetitive after the first couple chapters. 5. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence Considering how scandalous this book was at the time of its publishing, it sure is boring to read now. I’m sure it says more about me than it does about the book that I was extremely disappointed with how not sexy this book is. 6. The Witches of Eastwick by John Updike Have you ever seen those posts on social media that mock the fact that male writers are terrible at writing female characters? I’m pretty sure John Updike is the original reason those posts exist. Most of this book follows three women who have the potential to be badass, but instead spend the whole book simpering over a douchey dude. And the passage from this book that gets quoted the most often is the part where Updike opines that women take longer to use the bathroom because their internal organs are so confusing that the urine gets lost on the way out, as opposed to men whose urine instinctively knows how to get out of the body quickly. 7. Gizelle’s Bucket List by Lauren Fern Watt If I had to guess, I’d say most of you have probably never heard of this book. It only ended up on my radar because I was given an early digital copy through NetGalley. I’m sure this book, a memoir about Watt coming to terms with the imminent death of her beloved dog, is supposed to get an emotional reaction out of the reader, but I was too busy being annoyed with how selfishly Watt behaves the whole way through. She constantly yells at her dad for not divorcing her mom the second she relapses into alcoholism. She cuts her mom out of her life every time she starts drinking, the whines that her mom never comes to visit her. She moves her giant English mastiff into a tiny New York apartment, and then tells her roommate that if she wants to continue living there, she’ll have to take care of the dog in the mornings so Watt can sleep in. Then, after said dog is diagnosed with cancer and can barely walk, Watt sets out to drag the dog around to complete a bucket list that is clearly designed for her own enjoyment (I can’t imagine a dog cares too much about going antiquing or finding the best donuts in New England). The book is supposed to make you feel bad that the dog is dying, but instead I just felt bad that the dog got stuck with such an immature owner. 8. Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James Do I really need to say that much about this one? The writing is terrible. The sex scenes aren’t nearly as sexy as advertised. Anastasia Steele has no personality and Christian Grey is an abuser who pretends he’s into BDSM. I’m glad that people who actually know about BDSM have been so vocal about the fact that what is portrayed in this book is neither healthy nor safe, because too many people read it and just assumed that it was accurate. The least surprising thing about this book is that it started out as Twilight fanfiction. Because, just like Twilight became popular because of teenage girls who aren’t really readers, this series only went as far as it did because of adult women who aren’t really readers. Trust me, there are so many sexy books that are actually well-written. 9. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert This book was fine. I love Elizabeth Gilbert and think she’s a great writer. However, I have problems with this book. My main issue is that when the majority of us have a problem in our lives (like divorce, in the case of this book), we can’t drop everything and get paid to travel all over the world trying to “find ourselves.” No, most of us have to just suck it up and power through. So, while I have no issue with the writing, Gilbert’s “feel sorry for me” attitude through this story just really rubbed me the wrong way. 10. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote I know, I know! How could someone as obsessed with true crime as I am dislike one of the most famous true crime books ever written? Hear me out: This book is boring. The only exciting part was the description of the murders. The rest of it was just dragging us around behind the killers while Capote attempted to make us feel sorry for one of them. And Capote only wanted us to care about that particular killer because he fell in love with him while interviewing him for the book. And, I’m sorry, but I just can’t bring myself to hope that someone who murdered four members of a family, plus a few extra people along the way, gets let off in the end because he’s a “tortured soul.” No. Absolutely not. Well, let me have it. Tell me how wrong I am. I’m sure I’ve angered several people with these opinions, and that’s understandable. I’ve read many 1-star reviews on some of my favorite books. But remember, these are just my opinions. If you love any of these books, that’s fine. I’m glad someone likes them. And I’m sure we have some books in common. Just not these. Now, let me know. What are some of your least favorite books?
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Jacinta M. CarterProfessional Book Nerd Archives
December 2018
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