thoughts
What I’m about to say might surprise some of you:
I love to read. Okay, now that we’ve gotten that shocking statement out of the way, I’d like to discuss the moment I truly understood my own love of books. When I was a freshman in high school, my brother (a sophomore at the time) was assigned to read To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. To make sure he actually did the reading, my mom sat with him and they took turns reading out loud. I was trying to do my own homework, but was quickly distracted listening to them. One line in the second chapter particularly spoke to me, when Scout realized, “Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing.” As soon as they set down the book for the night, I picked it up and continued reading, getting through more than half of it before my mom took it away and made me go to bed. The next night, I waited impatiently for my brother to finish his assigned reading so I could again steal the book and finish it. The next school year, it was my class’ turn to read To Kill a Mockingbird. Even though I’d already read it and knew what was going to happen, I eagerly re-read it and enthusiastically participated in class discussions. (Unfortunately, my teacher quickly realized this wasn’t my first time reading it and forbade me from answering any prediction questions.) Since that first time, I’ve read To Kill a Mockingbird several more times, having the honor of teaching it every one of my six years of teaching high school. It is easily one of my favorite books of all time. So why am I discussing this book now? I would love to tell you; thanks for asking. In just over one month, I will be starting a new teaching job. I will be back at the high school from which I graduated and I will be stepping into the position previously held by the teacher who first introduced me to To Kill a Mockingbird. And readers, let me tell you, I am terrified. Not only because I’m taking the place of one of the best teachers I’ve ever known, but also because I have no idea what I’m doing. I know, I know. How could I not know what I’m doing when I’m about to start my seventh year of teaching? Well, it’s simple really. I’ve been winging it this whole time. No really. Ask anyone. When people ask why I became a teacher, I tell them it’s because my only skills are a nearly limitless knowledge of books and an underlying tone of sarcasm in literally every sentence that comes out of my mouth. What better way to exercise these abilities than to teach high school English? So why am I suddenly worried that (literal) book smarts and sarcasm won’t be enough? Well, for one thing, this is a much bigger school than my previous schools. And for another thing, this is the first time I’m following up a legitimately great teacher. Up until now, the bar has always been set fairly low by my predecessors, so as long as I kept the students mostly under control and actually convinced them to attempt the majority of their assignments, I was basically winning. But now, I’m taking over for a teacher who is loved, respected, and amazing at her job. In case you hadn’t realized it yet, readers, all of this means that my days of winging it are pretty much over. When I went in to pick up my classroom keys, I got to talk to my former teacher. She asked if I was excited and I told her I was too busy being nervous to feel any other emotion. And, just like when I was her student, she knew exactly what to say. She focused on what she knows I’ll be good at. She told me that she’s excited to see how I instill my own love of reading into the students she’s leaving behind for me. She admitted that she hasn’t done as much with reading these past few years, focusing more on writing skills, but she has no doubt that I’ll fill in the gaps she left. And that was exactly the confidence boost I needed. I’ll be the first to admit that I will never be “Teacher of the Year” material. I have a lot of solid ideas, but I’m not always the best at following through with them. I roll my eyes at dumb answers and occasionally tell unruly students to sit down and shut-up. I take 3-6 business months to grade a stack of essays. I am the definition of unapproachable when parents try to come yell at me. However... I can recommend a book for literally any kid. I don’t care how much you hate reading, I can find something you’ll at least be able to get through without wanting to claw out your own eyes. I know how to design project options that will appeal to any type of learning style. I have an internal radar that beeps the second comprehension dawns in a student’s eyes while tackling a particularly difficult assignment and I can practically teleport across the room to let them know how pumped I am for them. What I’m trying to say is that the thing that helps me succeed as a teacher is my ability to connect with my students. My kids, if you will. Even the difficult ones. And for me, an introvert who dreams of someday being a recluse, I’ve only been able to create and foster these connections through books. Because while some teachers pride themselves on how quiet their students are, I secretly love the outraged yells when Simon crawls out of the vines and into the circle of boys, or the first stone hits Tessie Hutchinson, or they realize the people are being kept alive in the cellar to serve as food for their captors. (Bonus points if you know all of those literary references without Googling them.) But my absolute favorite thing? When students spend the weeks after Chapter 11 of To Kill a Mockingbird greeting me with “Don’t you say ‘hey’ to me, you ugly girl!” Because they know how much I love that line. Though I may not churn out class after class of top scholars, that will never be my ultimate goal as a teacher. All I really want to accomplish is leaving students with a positive memory of reading. Even if it only comes in the form of momentarily getting away with calling their English teacher an ugly girl.
1 Comment
Linda L Jones
7/16/2023 07:15:10 pm
Oh, Jacinta...this is all there is to say. You have grown so much. Loving your kids and leading them the way is what teaching is all about. You are going to be FABULOUS! Can't wait to read your daily comments this year. God bless!
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